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| i know i'm jaded and kind of bitchy but new travelers irritate the snot out of me. i was catching up with one today and gave him what-for. he's all "did you hear what happened to me in IL?" i'm thinking an unfortunate accident or something of momentous occasion, but he got a ticket and court date for hitchhiking. bummer. so i asked if he was on an interstate past the "no walking, cycling, etc." sign. the reply: "well, yeah....but thats not the point....the point is that its a stupid ticket" i'm tired of that attitude. you want the glamor but not consequences, and all your rights? you can't live against a society's rules and still demand they give you your rights-- it's forfeit. my heartfelt response: "well if you're gonna live like this you gotta know how to get around stuff like that, do it right so you can do it without getting penalized. and when you do get caught, deal with it. you know what the chances are. "
him: "well, I know, we were also in a terrible area to hitch out of"
whoopty-do! so you take your chances and don't bitch when they don't pan out. is the world forcing you to hitchhike? on a couple occasions i've spent 2 to 4 days trying to get out of a spot. one of the times i ended up using some of my limited money to get a bus ticket to a better area. do what you gotta do and above all DO IT YOURSELF. those cars and drivers have absolutely no responsibility for you. freeloaders. gd, be a freakin man. i detest these attitudes. it's the teenagers discovering anarchy for the first time-- they don't get the substance or thoughts, just the action and attitude.
so it came around to: "but oh well if i go to jail, I go to jail. big deal...., it happens. you know what I mean?"
yeah. so don't bitch about it in the first place.
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in other news, i learned some new dances last night and am so excited. went to a latin dance with my roommate, her boyfriend, and one of my swing friends. both of those guys blended some swing in with the salsa and it was great. danced with some instructors and old guys and got valuable tips, feedback, and compliments on my dancing. i'm becoming an actual good dancer! and a much better follower. it seems strange that something so natural, uplifting, enjoyable to me has only just been discovered this past year.
i feel like i belong. have a good handle on the area-- necessary businesses and shortcuts, was driving downtown yesterday and leaned out the window to holler at somebody i recognized, have a friend that lives in my neighborhood, carpooling with people, receiving and initiating phonecalls... i've never done this much on my own. it's so awesome! and as the summer progresses i'll have more work friends too. at this point i'm still too shy and apprehensive, unsure of myself. sure do have fun joking around with them though.
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| i really don't believe in missionaries. people fill themselves full of all kinds of ideas but i keep seeing it boil down to a self-validation, self-importance, something that appears bigger than your self so you can cling to it and seem higher as well. do you know how expensive it is to fly? give that money to the people you want to help. you're teamed up with people doing the work in their native country? good, give them the money for your flight and they will be able to do more of the work. do you know how many shit places in the states could use some help? why is the overseas so glamorous? i'll believe you're selfless and serving when you fucking lose 300 pounds, stop eating barbecue/milkshakes most nights, and stop talking about the endless countries you care about and want to go too. really, you feel called to each one of them? huh. god must really think a lot of you. and your mad missionary skills.
got home today, checked the mail, and instead of random nonpersonal coupons there was something from friends. i got really excited! nope. it was one of those missionary flyers. support us, we only need five thousand dollars! wow. so i move out and start working a regular job and you hit me up for money? really? with not even a hello? like i believe in your shit goals? not to mention, though i am mentioning, they are the two laziest people i've ever known. so i spent four months working almost 24/7 giving up time with friends, giving up sleep (getting up at 6 am every weekend to open the kitchen) for $35 a day at best, getting as prepared as i could for the move and the investments needed for this job (boots, school) not to mention going for 5 mile runs and hikes during my lunch breaks or after work at night....after all that i'm still in the hole to various people for $1300, and counting. and you hit me up for your little feel-good mission thing?
i'm a bad christian, i don't believe in evangelizing shit, and i despise worthless people. good thing god loves them cuz i don't know who else will.
in other news, today i learned how to play ultimate frisbee and got really into it. mormon lake engines played against the peaks engines as a mixer for the new seasonals to get to know each other. then our water tender operator cooked a huge breakfast and we picnicked outside together. it was so sweet! washed the trucks, moments before it started snowing. i made my first drive in the engine! probably about an hour driving around mormon lake checking out our area of operation. the engine isn't much different than the truck i learned to drive in when i was a teenager so it felt pretty natural. again, i love my crew. looking at the other crews...i landed the best one.
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back row: vocal, vocal/guitar, guitar, drums, bass. front: accordion/vocal, clarinet/vocal, violin
and we all sang/yelled for group vocals
the violin and first guitar are married, clarinet and bass are getting married, vocal and drums live together. pretty tight-knit bunch. loved the corset but i never got time to take it in so it's just hanging there, doing the opposite of what it's supposed to.
the show last night was rad. i didn't get any good pictures but there were three photographers so hopefully when they're done with fancy editing and whatnot i can get some copies. wednesday was the first time Circus and Circus Band got together....also the first time that Circus worked on staging and putting their acts together. i was not impressed and started to be pretty bummed and apprehensive about the deal, deciding not to invite more people than i already had. thursday was mildly better but added its own kinks. but then last night everyone was just in the zone and two days of rehearsal really was enough to lock things in. we had a great crowd, all dressed as pirates, this yard was the perfect venue with rooftop and treehouse seating... everything was great til the cops shut us down. we got a noise complaint. they were cool though and gave us a couple chances to turn things down but eventually it still wasn't enough. by the time we started the show i was a bit buzzed and that always helps my playing and singing, especially the screaming on drunken sailor. a couple dance friends were there, that was nice, and some acquaintances that i ran into later. got some good feedback on the yelling and accordion and one of the crewmembers (female) offered to have my babies because of it. i said heck yes you can have them, cuz i don't want them!! fun group of people. part of me wanted to hit the afterparty and continue bonding with everyone but i wasn't really feeling it. haven't danced in a couple weeks so i went and hung out with some dance friends instead. we went and rocked our pirate garb around town a little bit and may or may not have hit the karaoke.
getting set. we didn't start til dusk. in the background you can see the blue silk hanging from the tree... the acrobalance guy can do all those crazy silk tricks! it was really cool because it hung down in the middle of the crowd. very interactive. some people didn't even notice at first that crazy shit was going on above their heads.
work is rad. as far as engines go i'm pretty sure i landed on the best crew. maybe that's only inherent loyalty and i'd feel the same way on a different engine but i don't think so. my bosses were the most present in the trainings and PTs last week, the senior firefighter on the crew knows his shit and is always right there answering questions or instructing. then there's the guy that provides some comic relief and slackass attitude but it turns out he knows his shit and works hard too. PTs kicked my ass last week. it was disheartening to realize i'm not as hardcore fit as i wanted to be, or even as i thought i was. that's the thing about training by yourself-- it's really hard to push yourself. but i'm doing well with pushing through things and getting it done and that attitude is a huge part of it. yesterday, my first day off from the week, i was already recovered from the soreness of all the workouts. i see that as a good testament to my level of fitness: maybe i can't crank the strength or endurance out quite the same as the guys but if my body is bouncing back that quickly then it's well on its way to being stronger and tougher. the back of my ankle still has a sore on it from hiking in wet boots two weeks ago. now it's a little swollen there and hurts even when i'm not wearing shoes. a little worried about it so this weekend i'm just cranking out upper body stuff and barefoot squats and lunges. wanted to work on my lungs more but i gotta get this thing healed before it becomes a problem.
backdrop looked sweet at night with the light effects and smoke.
and now i should get my ass outside and take the dogs for a good hike, maybe get some sun while i'm at it. i think my keens fit low on my ankle and won't hit the swollen spot, gonna give it a shot.
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sweet, got some photos already:
captain and first mate (also the strong man)
strong man, being strong...he also bent bolts and rebar and stuff like that
mutiny
pretty boy basil and mainsail monica doing acrobalance.
mermaids, with the overthrown captain underwater
mermaids back with the band
it was a blast. too bad we got shut down before the best of the fireacts. ah well. we're working on plans for the next time already.
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| The Circus show is this Friday so we've been getting together almost every other day to practice.
http://docs.google.com/leaf?id=0B12P1Woly8G4NTlhZWE2YjctZWY2NC00YjFhLTg5YjUtYjViZTgzNGVhY2Rm&hl=en
This is a recording of us doing Drunken Sailor....it's a really rough recording and we were kind of sloppy but we're better now and it's the kind of song that you have to see live. I'm the one doing the yelling. I'm so thankful for this musical outlet! It's made everything so much better.
first day of work tomorrow!
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| something key that was missing from the countless practices with various bands this past year: beer. i remember discovering that with psalters midway through an extended house stay. practices can get so tiring and cranky. we had some liquors left over from birthdays so one night i went and mixed some drinks for us. it brought a festive air to the time and prompted relaxation. circus band has beer at most practices, as well as snacks. we all take turns bringing something--not planned or organized--and it adds to the fellowship and the sense of caring, of being in it together. tonight to take that even further we're all bringing something and having a full meal together. i like these folks. the guitarist dyed his mustache the other night and isn't ashamed at all, totally rocking the molestache. i admire that in a person. one week and one day til the show and it's all coming together. don't know how the circus side of it is going but the band will be tight. gotta talk to one tonight and make sure we're on the same page. the friendship page. it's so tricky making new friends. no one is looking for just that. hopefully it'll work itself out because he's a great musician and i like hanging out. just don't want anyone to be too into me. it's annoying and feels clingy.
some photos the old guy took while we were crossing oak creek last weekend:
the puppy didn't want to cross
when we crossed the creek on the way back it was later, colder, i was blistered and tired and said to hell with being wet. stripped down to my underwear...and didn't document that crossing.
only bummer about the band is it's cutting out my dance time. but that will ease up after the show and i can get back to it. really want to keep connecting with those people too
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